I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
