Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

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(757): View more from Virginia

Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

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(813): View more from Florida

So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks

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(+49): View more from Germany

he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities

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(513): View more from Ohio

I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs

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