Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
