Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
nutella sex= disaster
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
