WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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