I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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