Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
