just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
