I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
