I think I died a long time ago.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
