Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice