remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part