You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
