Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
