I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
