Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
