We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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