I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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