is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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