I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
