Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
