We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
