its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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