I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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