Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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