the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize