obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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