Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
