i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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