the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
