saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
