Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
