I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
