They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
