I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
