I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize