East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
