I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
