And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
