I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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