her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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