So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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