I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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