Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
