I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
