Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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