I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
