I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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