nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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