How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
