So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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