Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
