so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
