So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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