i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
