I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
