I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
