Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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