After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drake has all the answers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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