yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
