it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
