I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
