Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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