hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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