I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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