I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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