Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
