what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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